Nº. 2 of  162

Boooo Cancer. You suck!

I'm going to kick your ass.

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My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn.

—A quote from Louis Adamic which I found on a map in a gas station this weekend. I thought it was pretty great. 

Hey, how about a little music to liven up this blog?! Back when I was going through treatment I would post a song every day. Usually it had something to do with whatever I was going through in the moment. Music almost always helps me to feel better no matter what is happening in my life. Maybe you guys have some go to songs that you like to listen to to make you feel better, too! 

Here’s a fun one from the Yardbirds. I like to put it on and have a dance party by myself. I’m sure my downstairs neighbors appreciate it. 

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I’ve FINALLY got enough hair to put in a wee little ponytail. VICTORY!!!

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I’ve FINALLY got enough hair to put in a wee little ponytail. VICTORY!!!

Boob Pilgrimage

My birthday is coming up next month and I am seriously considering making a boob pilgrimage to New Orleans to celebrate. Perhaps ‘celebrate’ isn’t the right word, but it’s in keeping with the spirit of the journey. As I’ve mentioned before, my last two visits to Sloan-Kettering, while fine overall, haven’t left me with that gut feeling that I’m waiting for. The one that says “Yes, this is the place you need to be”, which is pretty much what I’m waiting for. I’ve now had two surgeons tell me that I’m too skinny to use any of my own body tissue to make new breasts whenever I decide to go through with the dreaded double M, as I like to call it. I’m sure those guys know what they’re talking about, but I’m also sure that there are more options out there that what I will hear about at one facility. And you know me! I love to get educated and find out what my options are. 

See, the thing about this whole procedure is that I have to do what’s right for me. I know in my gut that I don’t want implants. So that’s where I’m starting. With the knowledge that if at all possible I’d like to use my own tissue to make new boobs for myself when the time comes. This is not to say that if, for whatever ridiculous reason, I simply cannot use my own tissue after all that I would simply say oh well and move on. Obviously there would be more to think about and consider if that were the case. However, for the time being, I feel strongly about using my tissue and am letting that be my guide towards finding a solution to all of this that is right for me. In the end, I have to be as comfortable as possible with whatever I decide. 

A month or so ago I was looking up videos on YouTube for girls who were maybe closer to my age who might have undergone a double mastectomy and reconstruction. I was shocked at the number of brave, honest, and open young women who were willing to share their entire journey and to show the results as well. While it was sometimes scary for me to see, it was also incredibly helpful and grounding. It also reaffirmed my belief that implants are not for me. One girl that I found mentioned that after two bad surgeries she went to a place in New Orleans that did a marvelous job and left her feeling whole again. I thought that was a pretty good recommendation so I checked it out. You know what? This might be the place for me. They pioneered a surgery that works specifically with women who have “slim to athletic” builds and who have been told that they don’t have enough tissue to donate to make breasts for themselves. I thought that was pretty cool. Only catch? No Medicaid. Yep. Go figure. They don’t take the ‘ol Medicaid. Still, I would not let that deter me. If this turned out to be someplace that I felt comfortable having all of this done then I’ll just start a darn fundraiser for myself for crying out loud! Who’s with me?! Just kidding. 

So, I’m trying to get all of my medical records in order so that I can send them over to New Orleans and hopefully arrange a consultation with one of the surgeons at their fine facility. I figure I can make a little vacation out of it as well. I’ve never been to New Orleans! This could be cool. If anything, I’m exploring my options and getting educated. It’s the best thing I can do for myself at this point in time. And hey, if I happen to eat my body weight in jumbo while I’m there I’ll just chalk it up to building up tissue to make some new boobs for myself. Ta da! 

It’s very hot outside today so I thought I’d stay in for now and make psychedelic watercolors instead! Fun! 

It’s very hot outside today so I thought I’d stay in for now and make psychedelic watercolors instead! Fun! 

And last but not least, me being a nerd on the plane. As per usual. 

And last but not least, me being a nerd on the plane. As per usual. 

Best friends!!

Best friends!!

This is not a wild rabbit. This is Buttercup. Buttercup was none too thrilled that I was trying to be friends. 

This is not a wild rabbit. This is Buttercup. Buttercup was none too thrilled that I was trying to be friends. 

We might have been a little bit tired in this picture! But hey, we still had a great time! This was right before we dug into some delicious seafood. Nantucket scallops for me please! 

We might have been a little bit tired in this picture! But hey, we still had a great time! This was right before we dug into some delicious seafood. Nantucket scallops for me please! 

Nº. 2 of  162