Nº. 2 of  334

Boooo Cancer. You suck!

I'm going to kick your ass.

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This is currently playing in my cozy little apartment so I thought I’d share it with all of you. Nothing like a little Glenn Miller to keep you warm when it’s cold outside. 

You are a really inspirational person. I hope you know that! The way you handle your ''situation'' is really amazing. Such a brave girl! Just recently a family member of mine was diagnosed with stomach cancer. I'm always there for my family and I'm extremely supportive but I'm suffering inside. It hurts my soul to know someone i love is fighting to stay alive. I'm really scared and anxious though I never ever show anything. I keep all the pain inside. Any advice on how to fight away my fears? asked by katherinemars315

Well thank you, katherinemars315. I really appreciate your kind words. I do the best that I can with whatever little speed bumps cancer likes to throw my way. Luckily I’ve been feeling good lately so that’s always a blessing. 

It’s hard when someone you know is diagnosed with cancer. All of a sudden everything changes and things get very real very quickly, don’t they? I don’t think you have to worry about trying to hide your fears. In fact, I think it’s healthy to let them show. I know we are often taught to “conquer” our fears, and in some cases that is a good thing, but being afraid for someone you love is natural. I think it’s alright if you tell the person you care about that you really love them and want to be there for them no matter what but that you’re afraid. That’s okay! Cancer is scary! The most important is what you are already doing which is being supportive for the person who is going through all of this. You’re already doing the right thing! Look at you! 

Fear isn’t always bad. Sometimes it comes from a very real place. I think in this case that is what you are dealing with. Just know that you are doing everything you can to be there for this person and that scary or not you will be able to get through this and so will they. 

Sending you both good vibes! xo

Jut recently my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I have no idea what to tell her and you look so happy and full of life in your pictures. Could you give me some words of encouragement I could pass on to her? asked by theyoungparadise

Hello theyoungparadise,

Of course! I’m really sorry to hear about your mom’s diagnosis, but at the same time it is really great that you are already looking at how you can support her. It’s (obviously) hard having cancer. But what I found going through my own particular journey is that it is also very hard for your friends and family. They want so much to be there for you but it’s not always easy to know how

Now, don’t get me wrong, I had some REALLY tough days while I was going through treatment. I certainly cried. I probably got mad at one point or another. Still, there is happiness in living and having wonderful supportive people (like yourself!!) around to help you out. I think the very best thing you can do for your mom is just to be there for her. I know that sounds so oversimplified, but it’s truly the best thing you can do. Sometimes we just need someone to sit quietly with us while we think about what is going on, sometimes we need a good laugh to shake us out of our funk, sometimes we just want to feel “normal” again while going through treatment. So long as you are there for your mom as much as you can be you’ll be doing the right thing! Giving her lots of love and support is truly the best thing you could do for her. So basically, just be you! Because I have a feeling you are awesome and supportive as it is if you’re looking for ways to help her already! 

Please feel free to write anytime if you ever have any questions or just need to talk. And please send your mom all my best wishes and thoughts. I’ll be sending lots of good vibes her way. 

Take care! xo

Not my favorite holiday, but I do love YOU guys! Hope you’re all knee deep in chocolate right now and staying nice and warm, wherever you may be!

Not my favorite holiday, but I do love YOU guys! Hope you’re all knee deep in chocolate right now and staying nice and warm, wherever you may be!

Hmm… feeling a little low today so a little Dory Previn is just right and helps to sooth to my soul. 

Hope you are doing well, love yer tumblr! As a cancer survivor, I must say, you are very brave to talk so openly about it. Thank you asked by hellocallydposts

Hey there hellocalydposts! Thanks so much for your message! First off, CONGRATULATIONS ON… oops, caps lock. Congratulations on kicking cancer in the butt. I’m so happy for you! And thanks for taking a moment out of your day to say hello. I do so love hello’s. I really appreciate your support in regards to the blog. Its strange because I never thought twice about sharing everything that happened to me, but now sometimes after the fact I have had people ask if I ever thought it wasn’t a good thing to do. I don’t see how it is anything but positive to tell you the truth. At least for me. So yeah! 

I hope you are someplace warmer than I am and that you have a nice weekend! xoxo

Nerding out at the Met. And on Instagram, apparently. What a doof.

Nerding out at the Met. And on Instagram, apparently. What a doof.

(Source: lepetitcoeur)

Pre and post pelvic ultrasound this morning. Nothing like drinking gallons of water and having someone shove something up your lady bits first thing in the morning to wake you right up! I was laughing with the technician because I said that strangely these appointments are usually the most tranquil part of my day. In a dark room, music playing softly… never mind what’s going on down below. I’m able to just tune it all out at this point. I did make sure to tell her that other scans had shown two little cysts on my left ovary and to ask about it. She said that one is a functional cyst which is actually perfectly normal. That’s so weird to me to think that a cyst is “functional”. Get it outta there, hahaha! The other one is the one that we have to keep an eye on. It’s not necessarily dangerous but she used some other word to describe it other than “functional” which now of course I cannot remember. Oh my poor little brain. Everything seems to be fine which is good. On with the rest of my day! Hurrah! 

My head feels light
But I’m still in the dark
Seems like without tenderness there’s something missing…

I’m not even kidding when I say that maybe once a week or so I put this song on and have a dance party. By myself, but that’s beside the point. The POINT, is that this song is lovely. The lyrics are lovely too. Do yourself a favor. Turn it on, crank it up, and forget about your day. 

Well today has been fun. This morning a friend texted and said that Brian Lehrer was talking about people who blog about their illnesses on his show and that I should call in. I have no idea what possessed me, but I did exactly that! Before I knew it I was on the air and talking about how beneficial it was for me to have my blog while I was going through treatment. 

I didn’t realize it at the time but the whole reason the subject of blogging your illness came up at all was because of a woman who has a cancer blog and who is chronicling her own journey through this disease. She has stage four breast cancer. Apparently two “journalists” decided they didn’t like the amount of information she was sharing on her blog and let the world know by writing two articles in separate publications stating just that. Their belief being that she was sharing too much, that there was no need to talk about how horrible it all was, etc… In a way I am glad that I didn’t know going into the call what exactly had sparked the conversation to begin with. I feel like that helped me to come in with a positive approach to how therapeutic it has been for me to have the blog in my life. 

Anyone who has followed this blog for any amount of time knows how much it means to me to be able to have a space that I deem “safe” to vent the often tidal wave of emotions which can come up when you are going through treatment. There’s the waiting to hear the results of a biopsy, the day you are diagnosed, a rushed surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, shots, blood tests, more shots, another surgery, and many decisions that you have to make quickly which you should never even have to ponder in your life to begin with. I started the blog as a way to process what I was feeling. I wrote on this blog every day for the entire length of my treatment. It was a place that I knew was waiting for me at the end of every day. It was one of the first things I thought of whenever something new or heavy was thrown at me. I knew I could go home, turn on the computer, and get it all out on my blog. My choice to have pictures accompany what I had written was also a personal one, but one that I have never regretted for a second. I think it’s important to know what it is really like to have cancer or to go through something like this. If people don’t want to see it, they don’t have to. It’s as simple as going to another website or getting off the computer. 

For me, this blog has turned into an entire community of support and friendship which helped me to navigate what might have been even more scary and overwhelming had I not had such an incredible environment to suss out my feelings on any given day. I like to think that the blog helped more people than just myself. I have met so many amazing people who also have their own stories to tell, and who have gone through something just as harrowing and who chose to let the world follow along. We have a choice in writing, and everyone else has a choice in reading what is written. It’s as simple as that. 

To try and condemn someone for finding a healthy outlet for a life threatening illness is not even reprehensible, it’s just mean. And again, if you don’t like something, don’t read it. There’s also the old adage that if you don’t have anything nice to say, maybe you shouldn’t say anything at all. Especially when you’re talking about somebody’s journey with cancer. Maybe just butt out. 

Having a blog can be a wonderful way to deal with your emotions surrounding the disease. To be able to articulate what you are feeling, and to possibly share it with others is a gift. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Better to talk about what is happening than to suffer silently with the fear of burdening others who might in fact want to know what you are going through, but who might possibly feel helpless in even knowing where to begin. It’s nice to have a place where the people you love, and even some of the kindest strangers you will meet, can come to check in on you, and to share in your experience. I am grateful in that I have been met with nothing but kindness throughout my entire journey. I have been humbled at the level of compassion which has come my way from complete strangers. Where is the bad in that? I believe that having my blog is one of the key factors in me staying positive throughout my treatment and even in what I see as another incredibly difficult time which is post-treatment as well. 

Hopefully I didn’t sound like too much of a ding-dong on the air today. I had just had a coffee and before I knew it I was actually on the show so I was a little bit taken aback! Ah well! I tried!

And to any of you who are new to the Boo, I invite you to please, fix yourself a tea (it’s cold outside!), and have a stroll through the archives to see what it’s all about. For those of you who have been here for so long… thank you. You made everything so much less scary, and you make the thought of ever having to do this again so much less frightening. 

Nº. 2 of  334