Our interview with the nice folks over at the Film Society of Lincoln Center came out today. Hope you like it! And don’t forget we are screening there tomorrow night. Come out and say hello! Don’t be shy!
Hello again everybody! Just wanted to get a reminder out there that if you are in NYC (or planning a trip here this week!) I’d sure love for you to join us at Lincoln Center for a screening of Lily! We’re going to have a Q&A session after with the wonderful Amos Poe which we’d love you to stick around for! It’s going to be a good night. Please come and join us!
Dr. Deva just called and said that the results of my ultrasound and sonogram came back fine. Huzzah! Now I’m good to go in the ovary department for the next four months or so. I seriously never stop being amazed at some of the things that come out of my mouth since having gone through this crazy journey. “Good to go in the ovary department.” Yep. It’s always an adventure!
No word yet on the results of my pelvic ultrasound and sonogram. I suppose “Tuesday at the latest” might have meant this Tuesday? Like tomorrow? Yes? I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt. Actually, not really. They should have sent my oncologist the results last week. Guess who’s making some calls tomorrow? That’s right! Me! I wanna know what’s going on down there, darn it!
Last night I was looking online at possible surgeons here in New York that I might be able to speak to about breast implants. As I think I mentioned before, I have slowly been letting the idea of getting (small!) implants begin to work it’s way into my psyche. At one point I was totally opposed to the idea, but the more I speak to people and hear that I “don’t have enough tissue to donate” I really don’t feel I have much of a choice except to broaden my horizons a little bit. At least for now. So, I have slowly but surely been researching my options, knowing full well that this surgery is in my future, but unsure of exactly when in my future it may be.
I found one site last evening that looked pretty good. The surgeon in question had a very good reputation, and even a nice little blurb on their website that was just about breast cancer reconstruction. I thought that was a good sign. I wrote to their contact email about coming in for a consultation. I gave my whole history with breast cancer and said exactly what I was looking for. Someone wrote me back and said they would call me in the morning to set up an appointment for me to come in and speak to the surgeon. Great! Except it wasn’t.
This morning I got the call. Everything was going fine until the receptionist mentioned that she would need a credit card number to secure the appointment. I asked how much a consultation with the doctor was normally and she said $200. Two. Hundred. Dollars. To sit and talk to someone about breast implants. Not even to have anything done. Just to talk. Two hundred dollars. Okay. Fine. So then I said “I guess your office doesn’t deal with Medicaid then?”, hoping that maybe, just maybe I would get lucky this time. And then she said “Oh. You’re looking for that kind of doctor?” Excuse me? That kind of doctor? Congratulations in instantly making me feel like a piece of crap because all I can afford is “that kind of doctor”. I said that the call was over and hung up the phone. I know that was probably not the right thing to do but I was so upset at her comment that I knew if I remained on the line I would start to cry.
Let me take a moment to explain something here. It’s not easy making these calls. It’s not easy talking about my breasts being removed. It’s not even easy thinking about it, so whenever I have a minor setback like this, something that to anyone else would probably be small, it feels huge to me. It feels awful, like nothing will go right ever. It’s just a feeling, but it’s what comes up for me and I’m trying to just be aware of it and move on. I had just hoped that someone who had read my medical history and responded to the email in which I had written about my having the BRCA2 gene (and breast cancer) might have been a bit more sensitive to what I was going through and might not have made a remark like that.
Later I was talking to a friend and he gave me some good advice. He said not to let her get in my way. After all, she’s not the surgeon. She’s not the one who would be giving me the procedure or who I would even talk to to begin with. And he’s right. It’s just now I’m to embarrassed to call back since I hung up on her. Guess I’ll just have to get over that and call her back. It’s the only way I’ll get in for a consultation. And I guess I’ll be paying $200 out of pocket just to talk about a surgery that I have no idea when it will happen or if I will actually get implants or not. I guess maybe this is me learning to take responsibility for my actions and do the right thing. I just need a few more hours to calm down…