Today I had something pretty upsetting happen. In hindsight what I did might have proven to be stupid, if not fatal, but I did it and that’s that. I was on the subway headed to an appointment uptown. As usual, I was listening to music and trying to tune out the crazy around me. If you’ve ever been on a train in NYC you know that most of the time you just keep your eyes down and get on with things. There can be a lot of weirdos on the trains. Now, I was sitting at the very back of the car I was in. All of a sudden every single person on the train stampeded to the back. And I mean everyone. I could not figure out what was going on, only that everyone was panicked and trying to get away from something. I figured somebody had probably thrown up or something gross like that, so I took my earphones out to see what the commotion was all about. As it turned out, two guys, maybe in their twenties, were beating the every loving shit out of some kid. Well, he looked like he was maybe 18 or something. He looked young. I couldn’t believe it. I could hear the punches as they came down on this kid. Each one louder than the next and each one making everyone on the train gasp in horror.
Before I realized what I was doing I stood up and said “isn’t anybody going to break this up?” No one responded. I guess this next part might have been pretty dumb but I was on some kind of weird auto-pilot. I pushed through the crowd of people and headed into the fight. I heard someone mutter “she’s going the wrong way” as I passed by them. I didn’t care. Somebody was hurt. Someone was attacking another human being, beating them senseless. The poor kids face was all bloodied from the attack. He looked like he was scared out of his mind. There were two guys beating him up but one was definitely the ringleader. He was mean and more angry than I have ever seen someone in my life.
Everything happened very quickly. I started screaming “STOP IT!! STOP IT!!” at the top of my lungs but that didn’t work so I basically draped myself on the kid to keep him from getting punched or kicked any more. I just kept yelling “stop it stop it!” as the two other guys tried to come at him again. By some miracle, and I mean MIRACLE, this was all happening as we pulled up to the next train station. When I say it all happened fast I mean FAST. The doors opened and I literally dragged the kid by the arm out of the train and on to the platform. I told him to run for his life and go find a cop. He was crying and said that they guys were still coming after him so I stood on the platform and tried to cause a scene to scare the other two guys into staying on the train.
The crazy thing is that people walked right by me and didn’t say a word. Not a single thing. They didn’t try to help the kid even when he was on the platform and trying to get away from the two bad guys. I felt strange, like I had done something wrong. Or like I was bad for causing a scene. I know that sounds weird. The train left the station with the two guys on it, and I stood on the platform in a daze as the next two trains pulled up and then departed. And then suddenly the strangest thing happened. I heard the most beautiful sound echoing around me. It was the sound of an opera. I looked around and there was a normal looking younger guy on the platform who had suddenly burst into song. He had the most incredible voice I had ever heard. I stared at him and listened to his song until the next train rolled in, and then I got on and sat quietly as it drifted along into the tunnel.
Luckily my appointment uptown was with my therapist! It was really bizarre. I was fine until I got there and then I just started crying and crying and I couldn’t stop. I’m still crying now and I don’t really know why. I understand now that what I did could have ended badly. I could have been hit, stabbed, shot, or who knows what. I get it. And I that the knowledge or fear of what could happen is what made my fellow passengers freeze. I guess I should have thought it out a little bit more myself but I just did the first thing I could think of to stop it. I have never seen someone so angry before. I’ve never really even seen a fight like that up close. And not one that was SO aggressive. I truly believe that the one guy would have beaten that kid until he passed out. He was that angry. About what? I have no idea.
I don’t know what the point of all of this is. This blog has just always been my safe place to vent about the things that go on in my life which seem out of my hands or over my head. I am not naive. I know there is cruelty in the world. It is just a terrible thing to witness firsthand. I hope, wherever that boy is, that he is alright. I hope he has some loving family to take care of him tonight and that he stays out of trouble. I hope the guys who beat him up can find a way to let go of that anger but I fear they will not. Most of all I hope wherever you all are that you are safe too, and that someone is looking out for you.
Well thank you, katherinemars315. I really appreciate your kind words. I do the best that I can with whatever little speed bumps cancer likes to throw my way. Luckily I’ve been feeling good lately so that’s always a blessing.
It’s hard when someone you know is diagnosed with cancer. All of a sudden everything changes and things get very real very quickly, don’t they? I don’t think you have to worry about trying to hide your fears. In fact, I think it’s healthy to let them show. I know we are often taught to “conquer” our fears, and in some cases that is a good thing, but being afraid for someone you love is natural. I think it’s alright if you tell the person you care about that you really love them and want to be there for them no matter what but that you’re afraid. That’s okay! Cancer is scary! The most important is what you are already doing which is being supportive for the person who is going through all of this. You’re already doing the right thing! Look at you!
Fear isn’t always bad. Sometimes it comes from a very real place. I think in this case that is what you are dealing with. Just know that you are doing everything you can to be there for this person and that scary or not you will be able to get through this and so will they.
Sending you both good vibes! xo
Of course! I’m really sorry to hear about your mom’s diagnosis, but at the same time it is really great that you are already looking at how you can support her. It’s (obviously) hard having cancer. But what I found going through my own particular journey is that it is also very hard for your friends and family. They want so much to be there for you but it’s not always easy to know how.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I had some REALLY tough days while I was going through treatment. I certainly cried. I probably got mad at one point or another. Still, there is happiness in living and having wonderful supportive people (like yourself!!) around to help you out. I think the very best thing you can do for your mom is just to be there for her. I know that sounds so oversimplified, but it’s truly the best thing you can do. Sometimes we just need someone to sit quietly with us while we think about what is going on, sometimes we need a good laugh to shake us out of our funk, sometimes we just want to feel “normal” again while going through treatment. So long as you are there for your mom as much as you can be you’ll be doing the right thing! Giving her lots of love and support is truly the best thing you could do for her. So basically, just be you! Because I have a feeling you are awesome and supportive as it is if you’re looking for ways to help her already!
Please feel free to write anytime if you ever have any questions or just need to talk. And please send your mom all my best wishes and thoughts. I’ll be sending lots of good vibes her way.
Take care! xo
Hey there hellocalydposts! Thanks so much for your message! First off, CONGRATULATIONS ON… oops, caps lock. Congratulations on kicking cancer in the butt. I’m so happy for you! And thanks for taking a moment out of your day to say hello. I do so love hello’s. I really appreciate your support in regards to the blog. Its strange because I never thought twice about sharing everything that happened to me, but now sometimes after the fact I have had people ask if I ever thought it wasn’t a good thing to do. I don’t see how it is anything but positive to tell you the truth. At least for me. So yeah!
I hope you are someplace warmer than I am and that you have a nice weekend! xoxo